A dog-gone good idea?

Chicken Little looked a little fried – which for a chicken is not good.

               “Where have you been”?

               I explained to him that July is when I find myself around the country at workshops, and this year was no exception.

               “My gosh, you’ve missed all the excitement.”

               Having removed the urge to be cynical, I asked what was so earth shattering that the sky was falling.

               “OMG,” he clucked.  “Assault weapon bans, smoking bans – but that’s not the biggest news.”

               Really?  What is?

               “I may now have a place in the village”, he said.

               Do I dare ask how this came into being? 

               “Well, according to the Associated Press, and I quote, ‘pigs, chickens and cows may be as smart and sociable as dogs…’ ‘’

Chicken Little

               And who is behind this movement? 

               Little was quick to point out that it was, in fact, animal rights groups who are hoping this will boost the number of vegetarians. 

               “And talk about timing,” Little said.  “With the village looking to cut funds to lower the debt in the capital reserve funds by dropping its canine program, a chicken on patrol would be ideal.”

               Self interest, no doubt.

               “I’ve started developing promotional ideas,” he said.  “For example, how about “A chicken with every cop.”

               I reminded Little not to quit his day job.

               “Seriously, since we’re just a friendly and smart as a dog, it’s a natural.  Besides, we don’t east as much, take up space or require as much maintenance as a dog.”

               But, I asked him, what about the other animals – like pigs and cows?

               Little was quick with his retort.  “I think having pigs with police officer would send the wrong message and having a bovine on patrol would be udderly ridiculous.”

               That’s two, I warned him.

               My concern would be Chicken Little chase down criminals, especially those with assault weapons.  “We’re fleet of foot,” he said. “And I can always chase them down in my chicken coupe.  Besides, with my size I can get around easily and smoke out criminals who may be lurking at Buffalo Grove Days.”

               I was beginning to think Chicken Little had come across a bad batch of feed when I asked him if he was going to have a special crime fighting name, especially since Super Chicken was already taken.

               “Already been thinking about that,” he said. 

               Why was I not surprised.  Of course, I had to ask him if he had any ideas.

               “Actually, I do.  It’s a tribute to my favorite character from West Side Story.”

               You’re going to call yourself Bernardo or Riff? 

               “No.  While on patrol, I will be known as Officer Cluckey.”