Through it all, they serve and protect

It’s amazing what can miss when you can’t hit the local blog beat on a regular basis.

That does not, however, mean that the men and women of the Buffalo Grove Police Department have not been diligently serving and protecting the folks of Bisonville.

While are large urban neighbors deal with their issues, here are some of the recent critical cases coming across the police desk.

Less caffeine may help -- It seems as though one customer needs to order decaf.  He was escorted by police out of Panera and then five days later out of Starbucks.  He must like to battle baristas.

Not to make it a federal case – It seems as though a local resident was distraught with Craig’s List and called Buffalo Grove Police about his displeasure.  Not wishing to deal with customer service, the resident said he would call “the FBI and the local CIA.”  Local CIA?  Must be the result of the government shut down.  I wonder if the local CIA has a canine unit.

Probably not a good idea -- A resident informed police that a neighbor had a habit of putting food out for animals, a practice going back to 2011.  You would thing that given the infiltration of skunks, coyotes, possum and other creatures people would get the message.

Did he get fries with that?  -- A Burger King customer was whopping mad about his meal and demanded his money back, but not before a profanity-laced outburst which, police reports included a variety of “colorful metaphors”.

You’d think she would learn. -- A woman reported her iPad missing from her health club locker while she put her make up on.  Ah, the joy of the digital age.  Guess she’ll need to take two tablets and work out in the morning.

Excuse of the day – A motorist who was pulled over for suspected drunken driving told police what they smelled was not alcohol, but the often mistaken odor associated with refinishing furniture.  Oh, and just to play it safe, he was also drinking mouth wash so he could brighten his teeth.  Next case your honor.

A pressing situation – A resident called police because she was unhappy with her dry cleaning, specifically pressing on the skirt.  Really.  And what was the officer supposed to do – iron it for her?  Can you see a remake of “Dragnet” – the opening would be “My name’s Friday; I carry an iron.”

Are you surprised? -- A woman contacted police because she was getting inappropriate text messages after meeting someone on an online dating site. 

This is just wrong – A woman contact Buffalo Grove Police because of damage to headstones at a local cemetery by her ex-husband. 

Not puppy love – A woman contacted police because she was afraid of her neighbor’s dog.  A four-month old puppy.

A taxing situation – A resident contact police because his tax return, being prepared by H & R Block, was not ready on time.  Perhaps the fact that they waited to the last minute to have tax returns filed probably had nothing to do with this problem.  By the way, what were the police going to do?

A way with words -- Police report that a “rather arrogant male” was not happy with a complaint that police were investigating and asked them “.if they had something better to do.”

Keep the left arm straight – Police were called when an errant golf shot broke a window.  Seems as though the golfer let his son hit the ball.  This means he did not have his own clubs and probably did not pay a daily fee.  More revenue lost.

He fought the lawn, and the lawn won -- Police issued a citation to a resident whose grass – as in lawn – was more than 12 inches high.  Yes, there is an ordinance on the books about lawn length.

You knew this would happen -- Police received a complaint that two trash receptacles were missing.  Both were 32 gallon contains.  See, there is an advantage to the 92-gallon containers.  They are too hard to steal.

And at the bottom of that pile was... – A company complained that someone was dumping garbage into their dumpster.  Undaunted, Buffalo Grove Police located the perpetrator when they found several shipping labels with his name on them.  No word if he had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage.

Open wide -- In addition to receiving complaints about dry cleaning and tax returns, the Buffalo Grove Police are apparently dental experts.  A woman called to complain about the poor quality of the work done by a local dentist.  She said the work was sub standard.  And the police are to do what about this?

Along with long lawns – As one resident found out, the village has an ordinance prohibiting the flying of radio-controlled airplanes without a permit.  My guess is this is not a serious problem in the village.

And finally – Police received a call about a suspicious vehicle.  Upon investigation they found a young couple in the SUV with the back seats lowered.  They were just talking, police report.  Right.  Talking about what – where they were going to watch submarine races?