Here's today's deal: help a cop and they'll give you a donut

When you think of the village’s police and fire professionals, you may think of how the respond to calls for help – a fire, accident, medical emergency.

            They do, however, respond to another call for help – fund raising.

            The Fire Department has a long history of participating in the annual “Fill the Boot”

campaign in August, while members of the Police Department have often led the charge to help people whose lives have been impacted by disaster – such as they did in 2013 by helping victims of the tornadoes in downstate Illinois.

            Here's what is happening today -- the cops are taking their effort to a new height as they will be raising money for Special Olympics during the Cop on Top program.  At first glance you may think “cop on top” was the name of a cheesy adult web site.

            Rest assured, it’s not.

            So what’s involved? Members of the Police Department hitting the roof.  Literally. Members of the department will be “staked out” on the roofs of the Dunkin Donuts at 1169 N. McHenry Rd. & 1697 Weiland Rd. from 5:00AM - 2:00PM.  According to the program, everyone who makes a donation will receive a coupon for a free donut, plus guests may purchase raffle tickets.

            It’s a natural – cops, public service and donuts.  Complete information is available at http://www.soill.org/event/dunkin-donuts-cop-on-rooftop.

            And while most people will applaud this effort, there may be a cynic who will say “Is that all our cops have to do?”

            Hardly. In addition to public safety programs, outstanding enforcement and making Buffalo Grove one of the safest communities of its size in the country, the pros in blue respond to some rather unusual requests for help.

            Here are few gems taken from official police reports:

            Inspector Clouseau would be proud: A resident called about a missing computer.  Police checked the area and found the computer.  It was on a dark table in the room the resident had left it in.

            Hook, line and….A resident called police to report she was getting text message saying she was a having sexual relationships with the texter’s boyfriend.  It Turns out the texter had the wrong area code and was contacting the resident by mistake.  The number the caller intended to contact is an area bait shop.

            Hello, Luca Brasi? Police were called to a grocery store about a customer who was talking loudly and using profanities because he wanted to know who was in charge of the fish.

            Seriously? Police were called about a man pulling a woman's hair while in a car.  Police said the couple was in "good spirits" and that the man was touching the female in a "flirtatious manner" and that the person who called mistook their "playfulness" for dismay.  The end of the report said "nothing further".  (Well, that we know of…)

            Success! A resident reporting trapping a stray cat.

            Louie, I don’t think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.  A resident, “who appeared to be intoxicated”, called police about a lost cell phone.  He could not remember much about it except that he left it in the back of a friend's car. Didn't know that either. But wait there’s more – the alleged friend was at the Buffalo Grove Police Department saying his friend was threatening him. 

            Some things you can’t make up. A resident reported a "viscous" fluid on her windshield.  Not sure if it was because her daughter attracts "the wrong element from Elgin" or if it was because she would not let a repair man use her outlet for repairs at a neighbor's house.

            Rubbed the wrong way -- Two masseuses called saying they were being held against their will.  They told police they were hired to give messages and that they and two customers had beer. The massages lasted five minutes, not the full time promised. Customers were mad and yelling.  Two masseuses said they were not prostitutes. 

            Somewhere Bert Weinman is laughing.  A resident called police to report a suspicious vehicle.   It turned out to be a guy who had just purchased a Porsche and was learning to drive stick shift. (Really folks, I can’t make this stuff up.)

            Melancholy-- or should that be melon-choly?   A resident contacted police about smashed watermelons in a front yard.

            Nothing to “Crow” about. Police were called by a resident after a window was broken.  It turned out neighbor’s kid was playing hockey when his shot went wide. It went flying and broke the neighbor's window.  So we lose a puck and gain a face-off.

            It was a good intention.  A resident called to complain about a neighbor who leaves cat food out for “feral cats" and other wildlife.  The resident was asked to stop because when police arrived because a skunk was eating from the bowl.

            Wanna bet they failed physical science? Both the police and fire departments were called to a residence because of a reported fire.  According to reports the resident had a fire in her fire place.  She then opted to out the embers in a plastic bag and then put them on her wood deck.   The ensuing situation resulted in fire spreading to the unit next door.

            Bet they don’t watch Rachel Ray. Both the police and fire departments responded to a strong cooking odor.  Upon investigation they found a "large amount of used cooking grease was being stored in pots."  No reason was given.

            Did Bambi make an offer them and offer they couldn't refuse?   A resident called police to report that a deer head (mounted) was found propped up against a tree.

            As I Lay dying -- skunk version.  A resident called the police because a skunk was dying.  The responding officer contacted the Arlington Heights Community Service Officer, according to reports, called to "successfully euphonize” the skunk.

            Maybe the price was too high.  A resident called police because she was planning to show a condo for sale, but there appeared to be the odor of cannabis in the common hallway.