"Exclusive"
(c) 2010
In a stunning turn of events in the village of Buffalo Grove, famed fowl Chicken Little announced today that he is running for the Village Board.
Little, a life-long Buffalo Grove resident said he has been living peacefully since the death of Col. Sanders and was enjoying life driving around the village in his own coupe.
What alarmed him, he said, was the realization that the sky is, in fact, falling.
"It stunned me," Little said, "I was cruising between the Home Shopping Network and reruns of Ozzie and Harriett when I happened on Ch. 6. I was stunned."
Little told the gathering that he could not believe what he had heard. "Off-track betting, ethics ordinances and now life-threatening landfills." He said he has tried to watch the Board meetings, but they last way too long past his bedtime. "I don't have a chance to see the entire meeting. I was hoping NetFlicks would carry the meetings, but I did not know to look under comedy or drama."
Little said he was concerned about rumors of life-endangering fumes. "At first I thought Al Gore had joined the Board," he said. Little was reassured when found out that there were reportedly odors from a landfill on Milwaukee Avenue.
"What Landfill? There's a yard-waste composting facility that is being phased out, but no land fill. Landfills include solid waste and toxins that infect your mind, curve your spine and help the allies lose the ward."
When asked if he thought it would impact area businesses, Little said probably not because if there is an odor it's likely from an influx of holiday (Little says he tries to be politically correct) trees. "Yeah, once those things start to rot, they need some turning. It's no big thing."
Little took exception to reports of a foul odor. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear, that is f-o-u-l, not f-o-w-l. There are a lot of foul things in the village, but this little clucker isn't one of them."
Concern over the environment is not the only reason he's running. "It's important to maintain the integrity of the village. I keep hearing how insensitive the Board and staff is to homeowner concerns, and I just don't understand it."
Little says he has talked to a homeowner in The Crossings who experienced some snow removal difficulties two years ago. "This guy was upset, so he called the Village President at home -- that's not like calling the village staff -- and it was early on a Sunday evening," Little says.
He noted that Village President Elliott Hartstein returned the call and discussed the matter with the resident. Within two days the resident heard from not only the Village Manager, but also the director of public works. "What really impressed me," Little said, "is that the next time there was a snow storm and the resident happened to be outside when the plow came by, the driver stopped and discussed the situation with the resident. I just don't understand folks who get in the public limelight to squawk."
If anyone knows a crisis, it's Little. "Yeah, I once thought the sky was falling. It wasn't, but I recalled my announcement. Recalling is a good thing, especially, as we say around the coop, if someone is a bad egg. But if you have your ducks in a row (a little fowl humor there) you can get a lot more done."
As for his campaign, Little says it's in the planning stage. "Someone suggested "A chicken in every pot" but I took offense to that," he said.
"I'm looking for some big name endorsement -- like a County Board member -- anyone but a District 125 School Board Member."
His platform? "I think we need to take a good look at what is going on in the village and educate residents that the sky is not falling and that a well-run community often has mundane board meetings."
Little said he wasn't calling the Board Members mundane, just, some of the recent meetings.
As for a slate, Little hinted that he may be joined by Rocky T. F. Squirrel. "I'm not sure he is as politically motivated as I am, but he did tell me he has an interest."
Why?
"Squirrel told me that Village Board meetings have become a good place to find some nuts."
Little, a life-long Buffalo Grove resident said he has been living peacefully since the death of Col. Sanders and was enjoying life driving around the village in his own coupe.
What alarmed him, he said, was the realization that the sky is, in fact, falling.
"It stunned me," Little said, "I was cruising between the Home Shopping Network and reruns of Ozzie and Harriett when I happened on Ch. 6. I was stunned."
Little told the gathering that he could not believe what he had heard. "Off-track betting, ethics ordinances and now life-threatening landfills." He said he has tried to watch the Board meetings, but they last way too long past his bedtime. "I don't have a chance to see the entire meeting. I was hoping NetFlicks would carry the meetings, but I did not know to look under comedy or drama."
Little said he was concerned about rumors of life-endangering fumes. "At first I thought Al Gore had joined the Board," he said. Little was reassured when found out that there were reportedly odors from a landfill on Milwaukee Avenue.
"What Landfill? There's a yard-waste composting facility that is being phased out, but no land fill. Landfills include solid waste and toxins that infect your mind, curve your spine and help the allies lose the ward."
When asked if he thought it would impact area businesses, Little said probably not because if there is an odor it's likely from an influx of holiday (Little says he tries to be politically correct) trees. "Yeah, once those things start to rot, they need some turning. It's no big thing."
Little took exception to reports of a foul odor. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear, that is f-o-u-l, not f-o-w-l. There are a lot of foul things in the village, but this little clucker isn't one of them."
Concern over the environment is not the only reason he's running. "It's important to maintain the integrity of the village. I keep hearing how insensitive the Board and staff is to homeowner concerns, and I just don't understand it."
Little says he has talked to a homeowner in The Crossings who experienced some snow removal difficulties two years ago. "This guy was upset, so he called the Village President at home -- that's not like calling the village staff -- and it was early on a Sunday evening," Little says.
He noted that Village President Elliott Hartstein returned the call and discussed the matter with the resident. Within two days the resident heard from not only the Village Manager, but also the director of public works. "What really impressed me," Little said, "is that the next time there was a snow storm and the resident happened to be outside when the plow came by, the driver stopped and discussed the situation with the resident. I just don't understand folks who get in the public limelight to squawk."
If anyone knows a crisis, it's Little. "Yeah, I once thought the sky was falling. It wasn't, but I recalled my announcement. Recalling is a good thing, especially, as we say around the coop, if someone is a bad egg. But if you have your ducks in a row (a little fowl humor there) you can get a lot more done."
As for his campaign, Little says it's in the planning stage. "Someone suggested "A chicken in every pot" but I took offense to that," he said.
"I'm looking for some big name endorsement -- like a County Board member -- anyone but a District 125 School Board Member."
His platform? "I think we need to take a good look at what is going on in the village and educate residents that the sky is not falling and that a well-run community often has mundane board meetings."
Little said he wasn't calling the Board Members mundane, just, some of the recent meetings.
As for a slate, Little hinted that he may be joined by Rocky T. F. Squirrel. "I'm not sure he is as politically motivated as I am, but he did tell me he has an interest."
Why?
"Squirrel told me that Village Board meetings have become a good place to find some nuts."
Stan, I would support Mr Little's campaign since the Big Bad Wolf won last year; where she just huff's and she puff's....until she brings us all down! (Where is Recall when you need it)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! This made me laugh
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame, what a dssapointment in the hen house. Who would have thought that one messed up chicken can stink up the the entire house for everyone (the state house, the county house and the local coop) should all be embarrassed. So who is watching the coop? Does he think he is a leader? And he thinks he too should go to Springfield? what a joke
ReplyDeleteBrilliant,Stan,great humor! Where do we sign up to help the campaign?
ReplyDeleteIn response to #3 -- a "he" messing up the hen house? Hardly. If you are referring to Village Board President Elliott Hartstein, he may not be perfect -- no public official is -- but it's hard to argue about his dedication to public service -- D125 School Board, the village -- County? Elliott was never a County Board member. The ruffled feathers in the Village coop are coming from another source. Thanks for reading.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Stan, completely agree with you sir.
ReplyDelete