The Board needs to get Hawkish....

The declaration by Village Board President Elliott Hartstein that a timer be used to keep the Village Board meetings moving along is a unique idea.


But it's only a start.


The board meetings have taken on a flair of another significant Monday night event -- Monday Night Football. If the Board wanted to attract more viewers, it should adapt to the market and make their meetings more like Monday night football.

Howard Cosell

It's too bad it can;t be done like MNF was done in its hay day with Howard, Frank and Dandy Don. Can you imagine Howard Cosell   engaging Lisa Stone? 


But we'll never know.  The reality is the Board has adopted some rules designed to keep the meetings going.  Time limits are not unusual -- many village boards, school boards, park board, etc. have time restrictions.  Given the nature of things with the Buffalo Grove Village Board, most people think they are designed to silence trustee Lisa Stone.  The bottom line is the rule applies to all trustees.


The enforcement of the time limits by appointing a time keeper (village staff member Art Malinowski) puts a new twist on Village Board meetings -- time management.  Several times during the meeting Stone was heard prompting Melanowski when to start her time and reminding Village Board President Elliott Hartstein how much time she had at any given time.  


The focus on time management  reminded me of a football game, which made me think that the Village Board meetings have become a governmental version of Monday Night Football.  


What's next?  Referees?  Video replays? Cheerleaders?  

Hawk Harrelson

How about announcers?  Since the aforementioned Howard Cosell is in the big broadcast booth in the sky, my suggestion is to have Melanowski joined in the booth by White Sox announcer Ken "the Hawk" Harrelson.


Why not?  He's used to disagreements -- just look at Kenny Williams and Ozzie Guillen -- that's similar to Hartstein and Stone.  He's used to incessant rants. He's used to bizarreness.  


And to make things easier, he would not have to learn any new lingo.  For example these classic "Harrelsonisms":

• At the start of a meeting:  "Time to cinch it up and hunker down"  or "Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down!" 
• When the exchanges between trustees gets acrimonious:   "Mercy!"
• When Hartstein tries to keep Stone in order:  "Zone 'em in, Reel 'em in, and light her up"
• When the Board tries to regain focus after a Stone tirade:  "But the damage is done"
• When someone tries to correct Stone:  "That's trouble" 
• When Stone tries to insist that she's right:  "Lookin' for it, got it, couldn't do nothing with it" 
• When trustee Steve Trilling sets the record straight:  "Give 'em a thrill"
• When Stone takes on Village Clerk Jan Sirabian: "That's trouble"
• At the end of yet another long, drawn out meeting (with one slight modification):  "And this one...is OVA!!"

So what might he say after the Nov. 2 election -- especially if Stone is recalled?  It could be...with some minor editing...

• She gone. 

or, 

• You can put her off the booooooooooooooaaaaaaard...YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"